Question

Stop Pretending It’s Okay

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March 27th, 2024

I live in a state of catastrophizing
There’s something dark in me
I don’t know what to do
Deep down I am so angry
I’m stuck in a sleep paralysis
Like a hypnosis where I’m bound
When I’ve built up broken people
They’ve only torn me down
Sometimes I wonder if I went missing
How long it would take someone to realize
Would anyone care enough to check
These thoughts I constantly agonize
I remember just a few years ago
When I used to run in all black at night
I didn’t care if I got hit by a car
I gave up thinking things could be alright
What does it say about me
When my self-esteem breaks
Because I gave so much to people
Who only knew how to take
Sometimes I’ve felt like nothing
Sometimes I’ve felt like a disgrace
Tired of picking at these wounds
So I’m picking at my face
My skin is crawling
With past decisions that I’ve made
This is my life
I’m done being afraid
I don’t have all the answers
Some days I don’t know the question
And if they’re going to judge me
At least provide me a suggestion
I’m telling myself I can get through this
I need to sit with it and be sad
And even though it’s uncomfortable
I need to feel the feelings I had

Clairvoyant

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February 19th, 2024

A few months ago I went to a psychic fair
And they knew my connection to two
The guy I’ve known for lifetimes
And the other was someone new
They made it clear
Neither were my soulmate
But both were lessons I needed
While I find my path to fate
Now that they’re both gone
What was I supposed to learn
The guy from many lifetimes
Just constantly returns
But the newer guy was just like the first
So I guess that bears the question
How many more lifetimes
Is he supposed to be my lesson
Because this lifetime sent him to me thrice
His attributes in another person
I fell for the second when I couldn’t have the first
Their similarities are certain
Both born right after Christmas
But 364 days apart
Alike in so many ways
Including the way they hurt my heart
But the second guy is actually the third
Because there was another before
I keep looking for guy number one
Every time he closes the door
They have almost the same name
And live off of the same street
Will I keep looking for him
In every one I meet
Am I doomed in reincarnation
Why does he have a hold on me
What is it I’m not learning?
Why won’t he set me free?
A psychic can only tell you so much
And I don’t know what I believe
I need to cut this connection
But he never stays gone when he leaves
Maybe it’s because the stars aligned the day we met
When Mars and Venus encountered Pluto in Capricorn
And I heard this karmic cycle is ending this week
So I’m letting go for a new connection to be born

Scars Heal

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January 26th, 2010

I know that what I felt was real
But I had to let those feelings heal
I knew that we wouldn’t last
You left me in your past
You brought me out of darker days
I turned away from my bad ways
You brought my smile back
And now the pain is what I lack
And even though you are gone
And I knew you’d be all along
I still wonder about the time
Things were bad until you made them fine
And you’re gone but I still smile
And I’ve been questioning if this was fake for awhile
But I don’t think I can deny
I’m happy now and that’s no lie
I’m not sure how my feelings work
But they don’t doubt you were a jerk
You can’t even apologize
You try to hide the truth with lies
And you just might not understand
And I didn’t at first because none of this I planned
Anything can happen and I know that because of you
The doors of reality you opened me up to