December 18th, 2010
No other words to describe it
I still wonder in guilt
I call this confusion
Locked in the walls I built
They’re not coming down
I live life in shame
And the more I start to wonder
The more I feel insane
Nothing’s alright
Nothing’s okay
Why are you still on my mind
Why won’t you go away
I write you off
The words drop from my pen
But after sometime
You’re back once again
January 4th, 2010
The dark surrounding followed me
This is something more
The spinning room is haunting me
No exit and no door
And everything is moving
And I can’t make it go away
And after all this time
I’ve lost track of all the days
And laying down I fell right through
There’s no stable place
So weak and just so dizzy
But this is something I have to face
This is nothing that I knew
I’m learning by the time
And I can’t hold on to what matters
Because nothing’s ever mine
And no one’s ever honest
And no one ever cares
And the more it seems I need someone
The more they’re never there
And I mess up and make mistakes
It’s who I’m trapped to be
But lately, I just feel so lost
I hate to know this is me
I hate to face my mirror
I hate how I feel inside
I hate being trapped in my body
Because there’s nowhere I can hide
I can’t escape this prison
My skin just fits too tight
And I’m searching for emotion
But nothing ever just feels right
I hate looking the same
I don’t reflect my soul
And every time I need someone
I let that person go
I never hurt the right way
I just can’t feel the pain
I can’t make myself happy
And I can’t keep myself sane
And here I am inside
I’ve been dying to be free
I just need to move on
Because the girl in the mirror’s not me
My skin is closing in
I can only feel the guilt
Because I did this to myself
Because I dropped the walls I built
So I’ll put them all back up
And I’ll set myself free
Because I can’t hold on to my sanity
In a prison built for me
November 8th, 2009
It’s crazy
how people you think you know
turn into
people you don’t.
Eyes wide
there’s so much you can’t see
though it is all real
but it doesn’t exist
because it was fake.
Loud noises
nothing that you want to hear
echo
ear to ear
make it stop
it’s not real
it’s fake
I don’t know these people.
I shake
and I can’t stop
but you can’t see it
because it’s not real
but it’s not fake
I feel it
I feel you
it’s crazy
I don’t know you.
I want to scream
but once I start
I fear
I’ll forget how to stop.
Quitting
don’t be a quitter
scream
and don’t stop.
I cry
and not the kind for pain
the kind
where you lose your mind.
I breathe
but not naturally
I force in the air
but it finds a way out
before reaching my lungs.
Inhale nothing
sink into myself
I can’t escape
you can’t escape
because you’re fighting
yourself.
I thought I knew
myself
you
the mirror
but I don’t.
I found a way
to comfort me
but inside
nothing’s what it is
you can’t see
what I can see.
I’m sinking
into myself
and it’s crazy;
But
I
don’t
know
you.
