Divorce

Irreconcilable

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December 8th, 2022

Once upon a time we were happy
And now that feeling is gone
Saying “I love you” out of habit
Made me feel I’d done something wrong
Debating whether to stay or go
Through moments of despair and confusion
I didn’t want it to be over
But it felt like an illusion
I’d say the same things over
My message never changed
You still refused to listen
Our marriage became estranged
Screaming in my head that I didn’t want this
Feeling completely divided
Praying for some conclusion
When deep down it’d been decided
I’m looking for something that you can’t give
It’s time for dissolution
I need to move on and let this go
It’s time for my revolution

RIP Karissa Urban

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August 25th, 2022

I tried to work through our neverending strife
But it soon consumed my entire life
I weathered the storms of every ache
And there’s only so much a person can take
I tried to love you but you shut me out
Filled my head with nothing but doubt
You never understood my language of love
So I never felt anything but the lack thereof
When I was injured you only thought of gain
Leaving me to pick myself up in vain
You broke me with your absence of care
While I was belittled you stood and stared
You let your family speak to me with disdain
Bit your tongue which caused me pain
And when you apologized on my behalf
Your actions inscribed our epitaph

Invaluable

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July 14th, 2022

I let my world come crashing down
I could no longer hold it together
The ends of my last thread had frayed
And hanging on was too much pressure
Over the years I’ve given up hoping
That happiness could be in my life
But I was a victim of my circumstance
And realized I shouldn’t be a wife
Because my life is decided by me
I don’t want this state of confusion
I want to discover who I really am
I spent too much time in a delusion
So I let my world shatter piece by piece
Until I could no longer recognize it
I can change my hair, my job, my home
But these memories won’t let me forget
Everything I went through was for a reason
So I need to see this through
I never found out what it’s worth
But in the end I’ll find my value

The last poem I wrote before this was in April, titled “Whatever It’s Worth.” I might not know yet – but I’m getting there. (Photographed: April 2022-July 2022)