Change

Invaluable

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July 14th, 2022

I let my world come crashing down
I could no longer hold it together
The ends of my last thread had frayed
And hanging on was too much pressure
Over the years I’ve given up hoping
That happiness could be in my life
But I was a victim of my circumstance
And realized I shouldn’t be a wife
Because my life is decided by me
I don’t want this state of confusion
I want to discover who I really am
I spent too much time in a delusion
So I let my world shatter piece by piece
Until I could no longer recognize it
I can change my hair, my job, my home
But these memories won’t let me forget
Everything I went through was for a reason
So I need to see this through
I never found out what it’s worth
But in the end I’ll find my value

The last poem I wrote before this was in April, titled “Whatever It’s Worth.” I might not know yet – but I’m getting there. (Photographed: April 2022-July 2022)

Whatever It’s Worth

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April 7th, 2022

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
That this didn’t work
And you think I’m the jerk

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
You throwing me against a wall
Eventually led to our downfall

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
That when I needed you
You couldn’t come through

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
When I was in a collision
You wouldn’t change your vision

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
Your computer screen
Burned us like gasoline

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I felt so alone
When I arrived home

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I planned our anniversary trip
Then your guests sunk the ship

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I wanted to try
But I was your standby

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
It took looking in a mirror
To make my loneliness so clear

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I learned to live without you
Through these things you can’t undo

So for what it’s worth
I’m sorry

Departing

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January 30th, 2022

Secrets pile up
Like bottles in the trash
Gaslighting my suspicion
And it hits me like whiplash
Years have gone by
It hasn’t gotten better
But things will never change
After a decade has weathered
Invading my privacy
Because you wanted the truth
Instead of speaking like adults
You chose to sleuth
Complicated is an understatement
You violated my trust
I just want to take off
And hide in my wanderlust