October 14th, 2024

I told you it was unlikely we would ever meet
Because you’re a friend that I met online
And with 7,777 miles between us 
Our paths still managed to align

Telling my friends there’s a guy in Australia
And I don’t know what he wants from me
As he messages daily and asks to call
But I tell them I don’t catch feelings so easily

Commenting on each other’s accents
And the information we’d swap
Teaching him there’s more to the USA 
It’s not just gun violence and IHOP

“I’m trying to love you Karissa”
I noticed you forgot to use punctuation
Wondering if this friendship is a good idea
Because we live in different nations

Not sure when I fell but it happened quickly
Even when I know this is unrealistic
Months of friendship before any feelings
And the distance between us is futuristic

Messaging all day with a seventeen hour difference
You get good morning and I get goodnight
I’m subtly leading you to where I want you to be
But there’s still no talk of flights

Wondering what it would be like to hug you
Wondering what it would be like to hold your hand
We live on different sides of the world
But these things in life can’t be planned

I like when you make it known when you wake up
That I was the first thing you thought of
As we’re teetering on the line
Of something that feels like love

I want to give you more than just my dreary Mondays
And I don’t often gamble my heart in an investment
But then my apprehensive mind
Has turned this into an assessment

Because I’m scared to fall in love with you
But I’m scared to fall in love with anyone else 
In a sea of strangers I’m the one that you saw
And you liked me just as myself

When I’m holding my phone like it’s your face
You say you’d want me as a wife
Talking with you about the loss of my life
Could I have found the love of my life

I went to sleep telling myself I love you
Before I woke up to your message
It takes a lot to make me cry
But trusting you did it

You wanted to feel good about yourself
But you did it at my expense
Trying to justify your actions 
How did you not think I’d take offense

I was falling but I think I’ve stopped 
Once again I broke down to cry
You looked at the message from me
And decided you wouldn’t reply

I waited all day for a message from you
I was taken over by my anxiety
I think you realized you won me over
And now you don’t seem to want me

I know I’m losing you now
I shouldn’t be surprised
Because when you say “love you”
You started leaving out the word “I”

You only message when you’re bored at work
And suddenly you don’t like to talk on the phone
I think I’m being played and I can’t prove it
But you’ve left me feeling alone

You’ve been so busy recently 
And I was waiting patiently
But I can’t wait forever
For someone who doesn’t want me

I have the potential to fall in love with anyone
That’s something that I’ve always hated
Because I fall for the ones who don’t choose me
It’s never failed with everyone I’ve dated

I’m no longer willing to beg people how to treat me
Your actions brought this causation
I loved you and you loved the idea of me
But I don’t want to be loved out of obligation

You never wanted my dreary Mondays
You don’t even want my thoughts
I’ve tried to talk about my feelings
And you’ve told me to stop

I wanted you to read my poems
I wanted you to want to call
You say too much damage has been done
So maybe we should end this once and for all

It’s not okay but that’s what I’ll say
And this ending is bittersweet
Now my lips will never know your kiss
But I told you it was unlikely we would ever meet

Note: If you ever read this, I hope you understand it came from a place of love, not anger. I wanted this to work. But in the end, I had to choose myself.