Pain

Myself First

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March 11th, 2024

So many thoughts in my head
But where do I start
The anxiety in my mind
Or the pain in my heart
I’m facing this sober
No more letting it linger
The feelings I bottled up
I only traced with my finger
These two months by myself
I’ve felt so alone
Confined in these walls
That I learned to call home
I’ve been working on myself
Because that is what I need
Because I’m the only one
Who can set myself free
These memories I replay
I won’t let them be my prison
So I’m writing it all
Until every thought has arisen
My mind is so full
It’s going to burst
But I won’t bite my tongue
I’m putting myself first

Is It Worth It?

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March 11th, 2024

In the grand scheme of things
I guess I didn’t care that much
That feeling that something’s wrong
Attached to me like a crutch
Like deep inside I knew
But I was still blindsided
Everything with you
Was always one sided
And I only got hurt
Because I thought you were a friend
But you never talked to me
When you wanted things to end
But which guy am I talking about
They were really all the same
So I took a break from dating
Waiting for someone to prove it’s worth the pain

Dating Chronicles

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December 18th, 2023

I think about the past more than now and then
Too many nights drowning my pain in the arms of other men
Supplements are not supplementing what’s not there
So I’m buckling at my knees and proceeding nowhere
I’ve always ended things before someone else got the chance
I guess this is my circumstance
When they don’t value me in my presence
They can mourn me in my absence
When I said I don’t want this who was I trying to fool
I only said that because I’m running out of fuel
Potential won’t keep me warm at night
And at the end of the day it’s fight or flight
I’ve spent too long running from my emotions
I say that I’m ready but I lack the devotion
I wasn’t what they wanted and I’m not surprised
But I’m worth more than just a consolation prize