Hurt

Clairvoyant

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February 19th, 2024

A few months ago I went to a psychic fair
And they knew my connection to two
The guy I’ve known for lifetimes
And the other was someone new
They made it clear
Neither were my soulmate
But both were lessons I needed
While I find my path to fate
Now that they’re both gone
What was I supposed to learn
The guy from many lifetimes
Just constantly returns
But the newer guy was just like the first
So I guess that bears the question
How many more lifetimes
Is he supposed to be my lesson
Because this lifetime sent him to me thrice
His attributes in another person
I fell for the second when I couldn’t have the first
Their similarities are certain
Both born right after Christmas
But 364 days apart
Alike in so many ways
Including the way they hurt my heart
But the second guy is actually the third
Because there was another before
I keep looking for guy number one
Every time he closes the door
They have almost the same name
And live off of the same street
Will I keep looking for him
In every one I meet
Am I doomed in reincarnation
Why does he have a hold on me
What is it I’m not learning?
Why won’t he set me free?
A psychic can only tell you so much
And I don’t know what I believe
I need to cut this connection
But he never stays gone when he leaves
Maybe it’s because the stars aligned the day we met
When Mars and Venus encountered Pluto in Capricorn
And I heard this karmic cycle is ending this week
So I’m letting go for a new connection to be born

Thirty-One

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January 25th, 2024

I know I promised myself
I wouldn’t write about you anymore
But today is your birthday
And I haven’t locked the door
I looked at your Hinge profile
You’re another year older
I don’t know why I can’t move on
When this is irreparably over
It’s been just over a year since I saw you last
You were twenty-nine and now you’re thirty-one
You probably feel like you dodged a bullet
While I’m feeling like you shot me with one
My heart hurts for that version of me
Who got that cruel message from you
But I dyed my hair purple while faking my smile
And I still wished you a happy thirtieth too
I’ve never written a poem longer than six pages
But with you I couldn’t stop
So when you opened that fifteen page poem
I wonder what you thought
Maybe it will be your Roman Empire
And maybe one day you’ll find your redemption arc
But no future apology from you
Will ever relight our spark

Another Colbert Report (The Last Thing I’ll Write About You)

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January 5th, 2024

I was only back on Hinge
For a short two days
Before you liked my picture
I didn’t know what to say
I responded to your action
It took me eight days
Because when I first saw your name
I was not okay
It was the day after Christmas
I was feeling brave
Being optimistic 
I dug my own grave
I told you I was surprised
You ghosted me nine months ago
And that fucked me up
These things I needed you to know
I just never anticipated
Your name would light my phone again
You hurt me so deeply
Was I ready to let you back in
You told me you hoped I would message
You apologized for the past
We talked for two hours
A conversation I wanted to last
You had texted me to say goodnight
I didn’t hear from you for two days
Six texts exchanged 
And you drifted away 
Eight more days went by
You texted to say sorry for being MIA
But you won’t be available for “a long while”
Nothing about this was okay
I wasn’t going to respond
I’ve already said everything that I need to
But after an hour I sent you a link
To a fifteen page poem I wrote about you
I’m not expecting a response
Not sure you’ve even read it
But I can see you opened it three times
And everything I wrote feels good to admit
This wasn’t what I was expecting
How my year would start
That my optimistic naive self
Keeps letting the same guys break my heart
I’m still searching for the person
I’ll have coffee with in the morning
The one that I can call
When my eyes start pouring
I cried more over some random guy
Than I ever did for you
But nobody has ever made me feel
The hurt you put me through
I’ll never understand
How you moved on like I never existed
Or why you would want to hurt me again
You must be pretty twisted
At least you said goodbye this time
I got a little closure
Your name won’t light my phone again
This story is finally over