Invaluable

July 14th, 2022

I let my world come crashing down
I could no longer hold it together
The ends of my last thread had frayed
And hanging on was too much pressure
Over the years I’ve given up hoping
That happiness could be in my life
But I was a victim of my circumstance
And realized I shouldn’t be a wife
Because my life is decided by me
I don’t want this state of confusion
I want to discover who I really am
I spent too much time in a delusion
So I let my world shatter piece by piece
Until I could no longer recognize it
I can change my hair, my job, my home
But these memories won’t let me forget
Everything I went through was for a reason
So I need to see this through
I never found out what it’s worth
But in the end I’ll find my value

The last poem I wrote before this was in April, titled “Whatever It’s Worth.” I might not know yet – but I’m getting there. (Photographed: April 2022-July 2022)

Whatever It’s Worth

April 7th, 2022

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
That this didn’t work
And you think I’m the jerk

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
You throwing me against a wall
Eventually led to our downfall

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
That when I needed you
You couldn’t come through

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
When I was in a collision
You wouldn’t change your vision

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
Your computer screen
Burned us like gasoline

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I felt so alone
When I arrived home

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I planned our anniversary trip
Then your guests sunk the ship

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I wanted to try
But I was your standby

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
It took looking in a mirror
To make my loneliness so clear

For what it’s worth
I’m sorry
I learned to live without you
Through these things you can’t undo

So for what it’s worth
I’m sorry

Seasons

November 1st, 2010

We’ve cycled through the seasons
These feelings have no reasons
But placing my lips on the one I heard sing
Is all that’s been on my mind since spring
Your eyes have a way of looking at me
I wonder if it’s me they see
Or do you just see something you desire
Whatever it is, you set me on fire
In winter you turned up the heat
Your eyes on me made my heart skip a beat
In spring you brought the showers
But by the end, there were no flowers
In summer you kept things cool
While I stayed lost feeling like a fool
We’re in fall and that’s all I’ve done
But in the end, I’m not the one