It Doesn’t Matter

December 13th, 2010

It doesn’t matter
How many people are around
I feel so empty
Drowned in the sound
I feel so distant
So far away
And no matter how close
I’m too far to stay
It doesn’t matter though
These people aren’t real
And even if they were
They don’t care how I feel
They don’t know how to love
They don’t know how to see
And in this lonely dark world
I’m still nobody
It doesn’t matter
It’s always been this way
The people don’t care
They don’t want to stay
Nobody cares
But I grew up this way
With no one around
There’s no need to run away
The mirror is my company
The mirror is so fake
The mirror is not my friend
The mirror deserves to break
I like contusions
I know that they’re real
I can see the pain
It’s something that can heal
I don’t like attachment
I don’t like to know
If they get too close
I have to let go
It doesn’t matter though
I grew up this way
Always alone
I don’t know how to stay
It doesn’t matter though
Everyone is fake
All alone
The mirror watches me break

The Accident

December 17th, 2021

I see that you’re choking
But you’re trying to be cryptic
I’m too much for you
There’s no need to nitpick
When everything feels wrong
I see you’re in the zone
There’s so much that you can do
Even when you feel alone
So I stare at you
Knowing you’re too strong to break
A reflection of myself
To show me it’s not fake


February 20th, 2010

Believe me, you always knew I was lying
Hurt me, you could always tell I was crying
Breathe me, I don’t deserve this air
Numb me, because I just don’t want to care
There’s not much else that I can say
Just waiting for the end of this day
They all tell me I will be okay
I just don’t want to hear this today
Push everything back and it won’t exist
Take back my disease and the scars on my wrist
You changed the way my mirror and I spoke
And everything I used to be, you broke
Every chance I ever had, you changed my mind
And I’m just sick of knowing that you made me blind
Now you’re gone, and I have nothing left to me at all
I never thought I could ever take that hard of a fall
Open my eyes and I now can see I was so confused
And everything I kept inside made me feel more abused
The pain spread around in places I just could no longer take
And how long I kept it inside before I finally let myself break
I took the pieces and I had to put them back together
But the pieces won’t always fit forever
The glue and the tape just won’t always do
And I know I just can’t count on you
I’ll find a way to keep me sane
I just can’t always numb the pain
So here I am and it might be okay
Am I finally ready to live today
The girl in my mirror still yells some cruel things
And there’s still hurtful words every time the phone rings
But it’ll help me cope and I’ll finally be strong
Because as blind as I was, I now know it was you who was wrong