Apology

The End of The Circle

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September 22nd, 2025

I’ve apologized for pushing
Though you should’ve stayed away
Because you chose this cyclical pattern 
Of the games that you play
Was this a one sided connection
Our memories are fleeting
And I should have known better
Because our history is repeating
You’re like hitting a bowling pin
That wobbles but never falls
What a disappointment
I never saw behind your walls
I’ve filled pages in metaphors
Wondering if my words were pretentious
Always dancing around the meaning
As I didn’t want us to be fictitious
I think maybe that’s the reason
That I didn’t want to leave
Because if I never confronted it
Then I could still believe
I thought love could be found in patience
Building tolerance for my disclosure
Dropping little things in moderation
You still left me without closure
I guess you never figured things out
Keeping me on a leash was never fair
You can run but what are you running from
Maybe you’re damaged beyond repair

The Actual Ugly Truth

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June 11th, 2025

I’m finally opening my eyes
And letting myself embrace the validity
I filled my head with excuses you’d never give
You’ve probably laughed at my stupidity
I gave you endless patience
That you had never earned
And I abandoned all the things
That I knew I really deserved
Someone who actually wanted me
Wouldn’t leave me in this confusion
And I can’t even blame you
When I’m the one who built the illusion
You told me time and time again
Through your actions and your words
You’re “just not that interested”
I’m not what you’re moving towards
So I’m sorry I never listened
And I’m sorry for being clueless
But I need to apologize to myself
For waiting for you to choose this

Personal Note: Off subject, but I just wanted to share a small moment for my brother TJ, who passed away on this day four years ago (12/15/2021). I hope you’re resting in peace.

Inheritance

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December 3rd, 2024

Life was never as hard for me
As when I thought it was easy
Because I look at trauma it caused
And it still makes me feel uneasy
You had the money to pay the bills
But I paid with my childhood
Cleaning up your vodka bottles
And wishing things were good
When I grew up I got married
And the cycle then repeated
I found the hidden vodka bottles
And feared I’d been defeated
But I broke free from you
So I broke free from him
Even when it was uncomfortable
I pushed myself out on a limb
Because love is not an apology
For doing the same things again
So I had to break the pattern
And move on from where I’ve been
Now I do dry January every year
Knowing I could be just a drink away
From becoming just like you or him
And I’ll always choose a different way
You raised me to think this was normal
So I don’t know if I can ever forgive you
But I hope I found the end to the story
That I never planned to continue