I’m finally opening my eyes And letting myself embrace the validity I filled my head with excuses you’d never give You’ve probably laughed at my stupidity I gave you endless patience That you had never earned And I abandoned all the things That I knew I really deserved Someone who actually wanted me Wouldn’t leave me in this confusion And I can’t even blame you When I’m the one who built the illusion You told me time and time again Through your actions and your words You’re “just not that interested” I’m not what you’re moving towards So I’m sorry I never listened And I’m sorry for being clueless But I need to apologize to myself For waiting for you to choose this
Personal Note: Off subject, but I just wanted to share a small moment for my brother TJ, who passed away on this day four years ago (12/15/2021). I hope you’re resting in peace.
I have to respect it You set a boundary Said you didn’t want to hear The things that upset me I thought we were friends Maybe I was wrong I try to find my people But I can only long I’m alone in this world I don’t have anyone close It makes me feel like a burden When I try to disclose There’s no one to talk to about my day What stressed me out or made me smile And I liked being alone But that only lasted for a while Sometimes I need someone Who I can talk to Longing for connection But I let the wrong people through
How can I call this the end When we never really started You got me attached to you And then you departed I’m tired of looking for people That remind me of you Because looking for you Isn’t what I’m meant to do We’re not Noah and Allie This was my odyssey Now it’s my manuscript And you aren’t in my prophecy Seeing you was like a river Something that could consume me And I could dive in But I could never be happy You called me a scaredy cat As I ignored your fourth message in a row But you maimed me first We both needed to let go Now that you’re a memory It’s something I’m forced to keep But I’m past the countless nights I spent awake without sleep Moving on from you I spent three months sober So I could fully accept That things were actually over You’ve got my computer accessories I’ve got a recording of Sleep Talk I lost someone who didn’t care about me While you let someone who loved you walk During the times you looked me in the eyes I guess I mistook the semblance I’m not sure how you could fake that Now I yield loss over remembrance You gained my trust So you could break it You wanted my love So I let you take it I am a fool And I hate it But in this crime I was complaisant You were barely tangible If I’m being realistic And like you said We never existed And you might not know it yet But I think I’m the loss of your life You will never know the honor Of having me as your wife If they ask me how it ended, it didn’t And I think I’m okay with that Because like I’ve said before I hope you don’t come back So long, whoever you were Because this was never fun So I’ll continue with my search Of looking for the one There are 8 billion people in this world And now I am most certain That you were one of many Who will never be my person
Note: This is part five of my pentalogy, which I’ll be posting in reverse order. The parts can be read independently, in sequence, or backward. While the date states I wrote this on April 20th, 2024, the poetry spans from pieces I began and left unfinished over the past two years. April 20th is the day the idea for this story first came to me, and I pulled all of my writing together. I spent about four months working on finishing this, and I’m excited to finally share it!
Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance (The Pentalogy)
Doll Poetry 