First

November 29th, 2018

The first time I fell in love
I was in it alone
I was a broken child
Who knew nothing but a broken home
The first time I said “I love you”
I had said it to myself
I’d only ever written it
And never dared to say it to anyone else
The first time I knew heartbreak
Was the first time I knew love
I was engulfed by the emotions
Or the lack thereof
Then when I first realized
That love should be embraced
That was the last abusive relationship
I ever let myself face

Disclosure: This is an emotional video clip of me from Christmas 2008. I recently watched through my old video journals and found this. In this clip, I encountered the first time I confessed to being in love. These words stuck in my head for a couple days and ended up inspiring this poem.

Final Sale

November 20th, 2018

There’s nothing new to write
I always feel the same way
I’m no different than my past
When I grew up in San Jose
I’m still the same person
I haven’t forgot
Ever since I was a child
I’ve been living a life that I’m not
I’m twenty-six years old
But in my heart I’m still sixteen
Facing the same problems
Like I’m stuck in a time machine
Will I ever grow?
Will I ever learn?
Or have I gone too far?
Am I at the point of no return?

Shelved

November 15th, 2018

My tears are on edge
But I can’t let them fall
I am stronger than this
I’m not some fragile doll
You could have told me
I’m braver than you think
But you cut me off like split ends
Before I could even blink
My heart is broken
But that won’t make you stay
And although I’ve cried no tears
It doesn’t mean that I’m okay
You’re just like the ocean
Your waves come and go
And after all this time
You’re someone I don’t know
But now that you are gone
I’ll find comfort by myself
Because you’re just another story
Left to sit on my shelf