Alone

February 24th, 2025

I have to respect it
You set a boundary
Said you didn’t want to hear
The things that upset me
I thought we were friends
Maybe I was wrong
I try to find my people
But I can only long
I’m alone in this world
I don’t have anyone close
It makes me feel like a burden
When I try to disclose
There’s no one to talk to about my day
What stressed me out or made me smile
And I liked being alone
But that only lasted for a while
Sometimes I need someone
Who I can talk to
Longing for connection
But I let the wrong people through

Rematch

February 24th, 2025

I felt the butterflies again
But they came with fears
Because your lips kissed me
For the first time in two years
You asked me on a date
The moment I’ve anticipated
Got my hopes up so high
And then retreated
You’re falling back
Like I’m somehow scary
When you’re the one
Who had pursued me
I’m tired of playing this game
Do you even want to stay
Because every time I let you in
You run the other way

Epiphany

February 23rd, 2025

Don’t approach at all 
Or proceed with caution
The dilemma I face
Increasing more often
Did I ignore the signs
What did they mean
I’m stewing on this
Because it was not foreseen
I’m learning about myself
From my reaction to others
And when life gets hard
I want to hide under the covers
I thought it was anxious
But I have disorganized attachment
Trying to put pieces together
But I’m grasping them in fragments 
What I thought was a disorder
Could be my nervous system
Stuck between physiological reactions
I forget all of my wisdom
And then I confuse love
With the intensity of limerence
Will I ever find what I need
If I don’t know the difference
I’m not sure I’m fixable
But I’m working on myself
The lessons I need to learn 
Before I can love somebody else