Words

The Actual Ugly Truth

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June 11th, 2025

I’m finally opening my eyes
And letting myself embrace the validity
I filled my head with excuses you’d never give
You’ve probably laughed at my stupidity
I gave you endless patience
That you had never earned
And I abandoned all the things
That I knew I really deserved
Someone who actually wanted me
Wouldn’t leave me in this confusion
And I can’t even blame you
When I’m the one who built the illusion
You told me time and time again
Through your actions and your words
You’re “just not that interested”
I’m not what you’re moving towards
So I’m sorry I never listened
And I’m sorry for being clueless
But I need to apologize to myself
For waiting for you to choose this

Personal Note: Off subject, but I just wanted to share a small moment for my brother TJ, who passed away on this day four years ago (12/15/2021). I hope you’re resting in peace.

Drown

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April 14th, 2025

This is cliche but it didn’t kill me
I’m just done with this silence
I’m over your inconsistency
Knowing I’ll never find reliance
As the feelings come in waves
I accept that I am broken
And my words won’t change anything
So I leave them unspoken
No one can fix me except myself
But that’s a job that I keep failing
Because I gave you power over me
And then you kept bailing
Maybe it’s the loneliness
That’s making me feel haunted
I just wish it wasn’t you
Who made me feel unwanted
Even though I want to tell you this 
It’s easier to not bring it up again
Because I never asked for anything
And you couldn’t even be a friend
It didn’t even need to be a horizon
You could’ve brought me anything
Now this is the third year in a row
Where you won’t know me in spring
You decided to let me drown
But I know what people say
That it needs to rain in April
To enjoy the flowers in May

Thoughts

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September 15th, 2011

The words are in my head
But they’re nothing I can say
My mind lost in thoughts
You carry me away
I’m all mixed up
The words aren’t coming out
Why can’t I say these things
The words won’t leave my mouth