Time

Meticulous

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January 4th, 2019

I’m a detail oriented person
I schedule all my plans
And the more I think that I’m on track
The further I feel that I am
I drafted a five-year plan
And I’m over half way through
My list is almost complete
Now I don’t know what to do
Five years seemed like a lot
I guess I never thought further
I don’t know what to do
Once my list is all over
What if I don’t finish
What if I get lost on my path
I’m not prepared for these decisions
Or what happens if I get off track
I’ve followed the directions
But navigating is not my expertise
And my GPS signal is lost
Life gives nothing guaranteed
So I’m waiting for the wrench
Or maybe it was already thrown
Only two years time will tell
To resolve my unknown

First

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November 29th, 2018

The first time I fell in love
I was in it alone
I was a broken child
Who knew nothing but a broken home
The first time I said “I love you”
I had said it to myself
I’d only ever written it
And never dared to say it to anyone else
The first time I knew heartbreak
Was the first time I knew love
I was engulfed by the emotions
Or the lack thereof
Then when I first realized
That love should be embraced
That was the last abusive relationship
I ever let myself face

Note: This is an emotional video clip of me from Christmas 2008. I recently watched through my old video journals and found this. In this clip, I encountered the first time I confessed to being in love. These words stuck in my head for a couple days and ended up inspiring this poem.

Final Sale

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November 20th, 2018

There’s nothing new to write
I always feel the same way
I’m no different than my past
When I grew up in San Jose
I’m still the same person
I haven’t forgot
Ever since I was a child
I’ve been living a life that I’m not
I’m twenty-six years old
But in my heart I’m still sixteen
Facing the same problems
Like I’m stuck in a time machine
Will I ever grow?
Will I ever learn?
Or have I gone too far?
Am I at the point of no return?