Becoming

December 3rd, 2019

The year is coming to an end
But I want time to stop
I’m watching life pass me by
Like I’m stuck behind the backdrop
The decade began with tales of woe
A heart that was going to burst
So I gathered myself and looked in the mirror
I said “I’m going to put myself first”
Those words rang false as I hit the wall
A fist held tight on my neck
In a year’s time, I had forgotten my worth
A memory that I’ll always regret
But a wilted flower can still bloom
One can regain their stature
If you lock the door and walk away
There’s hope for another chapter
You can nurture seeds and watch them grow
Find love, find home, find marriage
You’re not confined to who you were
And a phase that was once disparaged
But smooth sailing can still storm
A moment can become cutthroat
So it’s sink or swim, but I know my place
And I’ve learned how to stay afloat
So as seconds countdown on the clock
I wish to not forget these days
As ten years time changes everything
And I’ve learned from my upraise

Hollow

November 12th, 2019

The months fly by
It’s so easy to forget
That as the calendar changes
It comes with new regrets
With a new year
There is not a new me
And no matter what I do
I am my reality
I was searching for myself
But I wasn’t enough
I turned to the wrong people
They left me all mixed up
You can’t leave
And not say goodbye
I pretend that I’m okay
But I still wonder why
You can’t cut me off
I know I’m worth more
You treated me like dirt
Yet I can’t lock the door
I hold on to memories
I want to let go
I’ll love the people who hurt me
Until I am hollow

I Hope You’re Happy Now

September 6th, 2009

The darkness reached out, only to find my hand, and it was all so unplanned, but I went along with it anyway. This was a different side, the one everyone tells me is right, but why does it feel so wrong to the point I’m forced to hide it then, and why is everyone trying to pry it out of me. Time takes the best of me, and I need as much as I can to figure out myself, but it keeps yanking, and I can’t hold on anymore. How do you keep something inside that’s dying to get out, words that you’re proud of but ashamed of who you are with how you feel. I can change who I am, but I’m scared, and the trust isn’t out there for the comfort of my secrets to find. So they stay written in stories, hidden in words, read them between the lines if you want to know. How could you do that to me, you put me on the spot, you try to break me, and half the time I can’t see why I bother to call you a friend. Tell me I’m going to hell, and I hope you realize you’re the one sending me there, pushing something on me that I’m not ready to confront myself about, yet along with you. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out, but if it worked, I hope you’re happy now.

(Originally Posted Here)