April 16th, 2024
There’s guys I gave four chances to
Won’t let there be a fifth
I fell for Mr. Colbert
But first I fell for Mr. Smith
Both of these guys
Had one too many chances
Won’t let there be another
Under any circumstances
[Chorus:]
But I see them in my dreams
And in the people I may know
And the thought of reuniting
Still gives me vertigo
There’s a part of me that’s scared
And not ready to let them go
And trying to move on
There’s a part of me that’s hollow
They exist on paper
And in the corners of my mind
I spend more often than not
Trying to convince myself I’m fine
I miss who I was before
I met either of them in person
Never knew someone so little
For that I am most certain
[Chorus:]
But I see them in my dreams
And in the people I may know
And the thought of reuniting
Still gives me vertigo
There’s a part of me that’s scared
And not ready to let them go
And trying to move on
There’s a part of me that’s hollow
They probably don’t remember it
All the details that I dwell
And missing them lacks logic
Because they put me through hell
And I need to give credit
Where credit is due
Megan Cromwell wrote the song
That inspired me to write this for both of you
[Chorus:]
But I see them in my dreams
And in the people I may know
And the thought of reuniting
Still gives me vertigo
There’s a part of me that’s scared
And not ready to let them go
And trying to move on
There’s a part of me that’s hollow
And maybe I’m thankful
I never had to pick between either
They showed up at different times
And I ended up with neither
They cut the ties
They let me down
When I needed them most
They were nowhere to be found
[Chorus 2:]
And I saw them in my dreams
And in the people I may know
But we’ll never reunite
Because it’s time I let them go
A part of me was scared
And it still gives me vertigo
But I’m still moving on
Filling the parts that they left hollow
Scar
Retrograde (What Happens Now?)
April 9th, 2024
Do you know the effects of Mercury
Because I’ve been thinking lately
About what you might be thinking lately
But you never wanted to date me
I think you’re missing me
I feel your energy
Not sure if I’m being naive
Because maybe it’s just me
I told you I was depressed
Is that why you decided to crush me
Filled my heart with breadcrumbs
And let me live in a fantasy
The vibes that you gave
Were always hot and cold
You were the perfect mixture
Of neutral
I remember what we were both wearing
When I saw you last
Then you tossed me out
Like the rest of your trash
I always tried to wear red for you
Like the Megan and Liz song
“You’re so bad for me”
The lyrics were never wrong
I remember when I filled up my ice box for you
The small gestures that you never knew
Because I remembered you liked extra
I did more for you than you would ever do
The memories tucked away in crevices of my brain
That container of strawberries that you ate
Things I don’t know why but I remember
I guess that’s just how I operate
All this stress for a guy who couldn’t spell “I’d”
Where do you see an ‘e’ in I would?
Yet I wonder if you still think about surprising me
When you drive through my neighborhood
Do you still think of me when you’re watching TV
And you see Jenna Ortega or Anya Taylor-Joy
Because I still think of how I gave you my heart
And all you gave me back was a decoy
I watched a scary movie with another guy recently
But it didn’t feel the same
Trying to find a similar connection
But one who wants to share their last name
When all you’ve known is leaving
What if you chose to stay
12 messages in 11 days
Like a prison sentence they replay
The last message you sent me
Said you won’t be available for a long while
And I knew that wasn’t true
Because you’re updating your dating profile
You’re not good for my mental health
Still I created an idea of who you were
You’re probably seeing someone else now
And whispering to her that you miss her
You kept coming back to me
But then you’d change your mind
It was always your decision
And I still got declined
I have a lump in my throat
Wondering how someone could ask so much of me
Then turn away because it wasn’t enough
These thoughts I can’t grasp tangibly
And I’m over here wondering
That maybe it is true
Guys want to feel needed
But I never needed you
What if I made you up
Why am I still thinking about this stuff
You hurt me in ways you never knew
I know an apology will never be enough
You were the wrong person
It was the wrong time
So why do I still long
That one day you will be mine
You played me like an instrument
But you’re not a musician
I think I’ve finally accepted your answer
Because “nothing” will come to fruition
Scars Heal
January 26th, 2010
I know that what I felt was real
But I had to let those feelings heal
I knew that we wouldn’t last
You left me in your past
You brought me out of darker days
I turned away from my bad ways
You brought my smile back
And now the pain is what I lack
And even though you are gone
And I knew you’d be all along
I still wonder about the time
Things were bad until you made them fine
And you’re gone but I still smile
And I’ve been questioning if this was fake for awhile
But I don’t think I can deny
I’m happy now and that’s no lie
I’m not sure how my feelings work
But they don’t doubt you were a jerk
You can’t even apologize
You try to hide the truth with lies
And you just might not understand
And I didn’t at first because none of this I planned
Anything can happen and I know that because of you
The doors of reality you opened me up to
Doll Poetry 