Recalculating

May 27th, 2024

Six days left
Of being thirty-one
I don’t really know
Who I’ve become
Am I losing my focus
Have I lost my way
Who I was before
Isn’t who I am today
Reflecting on the past
But I know I can’t live there
Leaving behind an old life
And people who never cared
I might not be where I want
But I’m finding direction
From every wrong turn
A new route from rejection
As confusing as it feels
That’s the beauty of growing
Finding myself
After all the not knowing

Midnight Kiss

January 2nd, 2024

We walked a thin line
Between friendship and flirting
But you’re a friend who broke my heart
When it was already hurting
I asked you out for drinks
And you invited me over instead
I’m telling you about my guy problems
Then I end up in your bed
Your lips were thin against mine
Their presence was unexpected
But they were all-consuming
Until they left me feeling rejected
You called this “an interesting friendship
I practically ran out your door
Without giving me a chance
You wanted nothing more
Then something changed
We had another chance
I thought this was a shot
At an actual romance
Until the night came
You were flirting with my friend
So I called you out
I thought that was the end
We had a discussion
About how we were feeling
And how to proceed
While I was still reeling
I thought we were on the same page
You said the right things on purpose
But I didn’t hear from you for two weeks
Like you turned this into a circus
Your words don’t mean anything
So I listen to what your actions say
There was no follow-through
So I let this slip away
One day you were into me
Then the next you weren’t
You changed your mind
Of course that hurt
You called me out of the blue
Asked to come over
It’d been a month
But never any closure
I saw you the next day
Leave with another person 
You denied what I saw
But these feelings only worsen
Another conversation
You texted me on Christmas Day
You said you wouldn’t string me along
Words you’d soon betray
You were caught on camera
Before your kiss at midnight
The girl that you denied
When I saw you leave that night
A picture’s worth a thousand words
But this video was overexposure
You can’t just fuck me
And then fuck me over
You once had me believing
You also wanted this
And my feelings towards you
I couldn’t resist
Mr. “Tells me what I want to hear”
Instead of how he feels
I don’t know why I ever imagined
That this could be something real

I’m Not Yours

July 23rd, 2009

You make me hear the colors
Make me feel the sounds
Make my heart beat faster
Make me scream out loud

There’s something in this feeling
Something I can’t hide
Something in you
Something’s getting to me now

[Pre-Chorus:]
And I don’t know
How much longer
I
Can
Take it

[Chorus:]
You’re here, then you’re not
I move on, you pull back
Up and down, left and right
I’m looking all around
I want you, to want me
And I know, that you know
But the only time I matter
Is when – I’m not yours

There’s something so relaxing
Something makes me feel alive
And as attention’s missing
I go off on my own

There’s something about the pain
Something about what you are
Something about the situation
I’m on the edge of defeat

[Pre-Chorus:]
And I don’t know
How much longer
I
Can
Take it

[Chorus:]
You’re here, then you’re not
I move on, you pull back
Up and down, left and right
I’m looking all around
I want you, to want me
And I know, that you know
But the only time I matter
Is when – I’m not yours

And here we go again
I’m being pushed away
I can’t take this game
Just stop playing me

[Pre-Chorus:]
And I don’t know
How much longer
I
Can
Take it

[Chorus:]
You’re here, then you’re not
I move on, you pull back
Up and down, left and right
I’m looking all around
I want you, to want me
And I know, that you know
But the only time I matter
Is when – I’m not yours

So, I’m not yours…

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