February 24th, 2025
I felt the butterflies again
But they came with fears
Because your lips kissed me
For the first time in two years
You asked me on a date
The moment I’ve anticipated
Got my hopes up so high
And then retreated
You’re falling back
Like I’m somehow scary
When you’re the one
Who had pursued me
I’m tired of playing this game
Do you even want to stay
Because every time I let you in
You run the other way
February 23rd, 2025
Don’t approach at all
Or proceed with caution
The dilemma I face
Increasing more often
Did I ignore the signs
What did they mean
I’m stewing on this
Because it was not foreseen
I’m learning about myself
From my reaction to others
And when life gets hard
I want to hide under the covers
I thought it was anxious
But I have disorganized attachment
Trying to put pieces together
But I’m grasping them in fragments
What I thought was a disorder
Could be my nervous system
Stuck between physiological reactions
I forget all of my wisdom
And then I confuse love
With the intensity of limerence
Will I ever find what I need
If I don’t know the difference
I’m not sure I’m fixable
But I’m working on myself
The lessons I need to learn
Before I can love somebody else
February 22nd, 2025
Was I just a distraction for your grief
Was that the reason for all of this
You didn’t have to ask me out that night
And end Valentine’s Day with a kiss
But then you asked me out tonight too
Only to change your mind again
Slowly chipping away at my feelings
So much for we’re just friends
Doll Poetry 