Moving

Supposed To Be

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August 23rd, 2009

How was it supposed to be this way? How did this end up? Peaceful as it seems, everything’s a wreck. Waiting for something to happen, that will never work out as I planned, is taking too long for the disappointment to reach. Rehearsed conversations, talking to mirrors, nothing’s making sense, and I just want something to hold onto that won’t change. I don’t know what I want, and the more I try to figure it out, the more unsure of myself I am.

Note: Earlier this year I was moving and I found some writing in a notebook from my senior year of high school. I experimented with many styles of writing and poetry, so I’ll be posting these for the time being. My current poetry and 2011 (which I’ve been posting) are on hold for the time being. Thank you everyone for your support!

Hello

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March 9th, 2010

A kiss still lingers
On my cheek
Was once so strong
Now feels so weak
Set me up
To feel so high
Then disappear
With no goodbye
Time keeps moving
I feel so old
And though I feel numb
I still feel cold
The pain is real
The pain is fake
I fell in love?
Yeah, my mistake
I’m just a fool
I give my all
You’ll watch me trip
And take my fall
And I keep my hope
Even through all the lies
Because every hello
Is worth all the goodbyes

The Prison of My Skin

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January 4th, 2010

The dark surrounding followed me
This is something more
The spinning room is haunting me
No exit and no door
And everything is moving
And I can’t make it go away
And after all this time
I’ve lost track of all the days
And laying down I fell right through
There’s no stable place
So weak and just so dizzy
But this is something I have to face
This is nothing that I knew
I’m learning by the time
And I can’t hold on to what matters
Because nothing’s ever mine
And no one’s ever honest
And no one ever cares
And the more it seems I need someone
The more they’re never there
And I mess up and make mistakes
It’s who I’m trapped to be
But lately, I just feel so lost
I hate to know this is me
I hate to face my mirror
I hate how I feel inside
I hate being trapped in my body
Because there’s nowhere I can hide
I can’t escape this prison
My skin just fits too tight
And I’m searching for emotion
But nothing ever just feels right
I hate looking the same
I don’t reflect my soul
And every time I need someone
I let that person go
I never hurt the right way
I just can’t feel the pain
I can’t make myself happy
And I can’t keep myself sane
And here I am inside
I’ve been dying to be free
I just need to move on
Because the girl in the mirror’s not me
My skin is closing in
I can only feel the guilt
Because I did this to myself
Because I dropped the walls I built
So I’ll put them all back up
And I’ll set myself free
Because I can’t hold on to my sanity
In a prison built for me