Mirror

Mirage

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August 30th, 2009

Last night you held my hand, just like a few weeks ago when we kissed, and those were all dreams, but nothing feels as real as this. I’m lost in this state of mind, and I can’t figure out who you are, and in the process of figuring myself out too, I’m not getting very far. You did this to me unintended I beg, I didn’t expect anything out of words, but here I am with you running through my mind, and you haven’t seemed to step out yet. I never expected to see you like this, and I never expected to see myself acting the way I am, but here I am looking at myself in the mirror, appearance untouched, but looking deeper shows that nothing’s what it used to be. I’m at a loss of words on the fact we’ve been at a loss for words our self, and our conversation has ended. Waiting to talk to you has been on my mind for too long now, and every time my phone goes off my smile fades because your name isn’t there anymore. If it weren’t for my curiosity I would have never had to hear you say you’re sorry, and you weren’t, but it made me smile anyway. If you’re just a mirage it’d be nice if you could let me know now, because I don’t want to get too close to someone who will only disappear in the end.

(Originally Posted Here)

Labeled

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August 20th, 2009

Beat me down with your stereotypes, but I can never confine myself. You can talk, and write, and pretend all you want, but only I will ever know the real me. You don’t know the truth, not even half of it, or even how I feel. You can’t tell me who I am, what I want, or what I’ve done. Repeat my words, but they change, stories change, and all I fear is drama starts. People change, and so do I, so I can’t hold on to your label or define myself anymore. Who I am has never been what I am, but no one gets the difference. If you can’t tell between them, what gives you the right to claim you know me well enough to stereotype me in the first place. In the mirror, I’ve watched myself change, and through my dreams, I’ve felt it. I can’t hold on anymore, I’ve broken my self-image, and all for some words that mixed up my intentions to smile. Facing my image and my dreams has lost me in all this confusion. I can’t hold on to who I was, and I can only hope that they understand. Seeing myself change has been one of the hardest parts, but holding onto my self-image of what I used to be makes it hard to accept the fact that I changed, and I have no identity. I’ll take my time before I try to confine, and I can only hope it turns out alright in the end. But if you can’t love me without a label, then what kind of love was that from the start.

(Originally Posted Here)

It’s All I Deserve

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August 19th, 2009

The music’s playing, taking control of me. Off across the country, off to where I don’t know. Off to find myself, find a comfort zone. Looking for something in someone, looking for something in me, looking for the music that’ll help set me free. Friendship is a loss of privacy, giving someone just as much of the ability to destroy you as the one you love. Cutting deep, feel the knife penetrate your body, almost to mix you up and leave you where you belong. Leaving you bleeding, searching for help, finding nothing. Looking in the mirror, there’s nothing you see that’s worth it, it’s those people you’re here for, but once they’re gone, why are you still here. Blast the music louder, too loud to hear your own thoughts, don’t be yourself, they don’t like you that way. Block out the sound, block out the music, block out the buzzing, the silence, leave me with nothing. This is all I have, I never wanted this, but the love broke me and I gave myself up for a cold-hearted soul that sucked the life from me and left me with all the nothing I deserve.

(Originally Posted Here)