Epiphany

February 23rd, 2025

Don’t approach at all 
Or proceed with caution
The dilemma I face
Increasing more often
Did I ignore the signs
What did they mean
I’m stewing on this
Because it was not foreseen
I’m learning about myself
From my reaction to others
And when life gets hard
I want to hide under the covers
I thought it was anxious
But I have disorganized attachment
Trying to put pieces together
But I’m grasping them in fragments 
What I thought was a disorder
Could be my nervous system
Stuck between physiological reactions
I forget all of my wisdom
And then I confuse love
With the intensity of limerence
Will I ever find what I need
If I don’t know the difference
I’m not sure I’m fixable
But I’m working on myself
The lessons I need to learn 
Before I can love somebody else

True Love

January 2nd, 2025

I grew up watching Cinderella
And Beauty & The Beast
Raised to believe
That love comes so easy
But the love that I’ve chased
Was always one sided
I attract broken people
I just can’t fight it
Because hurt people hurt people
And I’ve been on both sides
But my energy attracts
What I say I don’t like
When I meet what I want
The feelings aren’t there
I’ve learned to fall in love
With pain and despair
I pursue the wrong people
I love unrequited
Knowing the disrespect
Was something I abided
Playing the long game
Hoping someone will cave
Is how I’ll end up alone
At the end of the day
But that’s all I’ve ever known
Self abandoning and limerence
What I wouldn’t give
To experience romance
Even fairy tales stem
From something once grim
True love is a fantasy
That I’ll never be in