March 27th, 2024

I live in a state of catastrophizing
There’s something dark in me
I don’t know what to do
Deep down I am so angry
I’m stuck in a sleep paralysis
Like a hypnosis where I’m bound
When I’ve built up broken people
They’ve only torn me down
Sometimes I wonder if I went missing
How long it would take someone to realize
Would anyone care enough to check
These thoughts I constantly agonize
I remember just a few years ago
When I used to run in all black at night
I didn’t care if I got hit by a car
I gave up thinking things could be alright
What does it say about me
When my self-esteem breaks
Because I gave so much to people
Who only knew how to take
Sometimes I’ve felt like nothing
Sometimes I’ve felt like a disgrace
Tired of picking at these wounds
So I’m picking at my face
My skin is crawling
With past decisions that I’ve made
This is my life
I’m done being afraid
I don’t have all the answers
Some days I don’t know the question
And if they’re going to judge me
At least provide me a suggestion
I’m telling myself I can get through this
I need to sit with it and be sad
And even though it’s uncomfortable
I need to feel the feelings I had