March 5th, 2025
My eyes hurt from crying
My mind won’t quiet down
The air feels so heavy
My life feels upside down
Life
Epiphany
February 23rd, 2025
Don’t approach at all
Or proceed with caution
The dilemma I face
Increasing more often
Did I ignore the signs
What did they mean
I’m stewing on this
Because it was not foreseen
I’m learning about myself
From my reaction to others
And when life gets hard
I want to hide under the covers
I thought it was anxious
But I have disorganized attachment
Trying to put pieces together
But I’m grasping them in fragments
What I thought was a disorder
Could be my nervous system
Stuck between physiological reactions
I forget all of my wisdom
And then I confuse love
With the intensity of limerence
Will I ever find what I need
If I don’t know the difference
I’m not sure I’m fixable
But I’m working on myself
The lessons I need to learn
Before I can love somebody else
Inheritance
December 3rd, 2024
Life was never as hard for me
As when I thought it was easy
Because I look at trauma it caused
And it still makes me feel uneasy
You had the money to pay the bills
But I paid with my childhood
Cleaning up your vodka bottles
And wishing things were good
When I grew up I got married
And the cycle then repeated
I found the hidden vodka bottles
And feared I’d been defeated
But I broke free from you
So I broke free from him
Even when it was uncomfortable
I pushed myself out on a limb
Because love is not an apology
For doing the same things again
So I had to break the pattern
And move on from where I’ve been
Now I do dry January every year
Knowing I could be just a drink away
From becoming just like you or him
And I’ll always choose a different way
You raised me to think this was normal
So I don’t know if I can ever forgive you
But I hope I found the end to the story
That I never planned to continue
Doll Poetry 