Hate

Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance: Bargaining

/ DollPoetry.com / 6 Comments

April 20th, 2024

Why kiss, marry, or kill
When I could do all three
Something about you
Brought out a toxic side in me
I miss fighting with you
And telling you I hate you
Trying to convince myself
That I wouldn’t want to date you
Maybe I should’ve said no that night
I shouldn’t have left my home
Because now you’ve got this poem
And all I got was left alone
Maybe I started this pattern
I constantly pushed you away
One morning you mumbled “bye, love you” in your sleep
And I bolted the other way
You looked so offended
When I told you I didn’t trust you
You told me I was one of the few people
You knew wouldn’t fall through
After already spending five nights in a row with you 
You said you wished you didn’t have your son that night
So you could spend it with me again
But we still spent all evening playing Fortnite
I tried to end things the next time I came home from your place
I realized things were getting too serious
But if I ever thought you’d drop your walls for me
Then I knew I’d be delirious
I told you time with you
Was just too confusing
You always begged to see me
I guess you just wanted to use me
You said we both knew
What this was from the start
I reminded you what I said
I can’t gamble with my heart
As I’m hoping that you miss me
I’m filling my notebook with question marks
Waiting for months because it’s happened before
Yearning for your redemption arc
While I’m pleading that you’re not gone
Longing a ghost but for what reason
Wondering if I could have done something different
But you were only meant for a season
When all I want to do
Is message you about the mundane parts of my day
Wondering what you’d think
Wondering what you’d say
I guess you didn’t need me
And I guess I’ve been caught up
Hoping it was all a misunderstanding
When you treated me like I wasn’t enough
I need to forgive you
Because I knew who you were
And I need to forgive myself
Because I tried to defer
I never told you that I loved you
But I think that you knew
Still holding onto hope
That maybe you felt it too

Note: This is part three of my pentalogy, which I’m posting in reverse order. The parts can be read independently, in sequence, or backward. While the date states I wrote this on April 20th, 2024, the poetry spans from pieces I began and left unfinished over the past two years. April 20th is the day the idea for this story first came to me, and I pulled all of my writing together. I spent about four months working on finishing this, so I’m excited to be sharing it!

Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance (The Pentalogy)

Part 1: Denial
Part 2: Anger
Part 3: Bargaining
Part 4: Depression
Part 5: Acceptance

Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance: Acceptance

/ DollPoetry.com / 6 Comments

April 20th, 2024

How can I call this the end
When we never really started
You got me attached to you
And then you departed
I’m tired of looking for people
That remind me of you
Because looking for you
Isn’t what I’m meant to do
We’re not Noah and Allie
This was my odyssey
Now it’s my manuscript
And you aren’t in my prophecy
Seeing you was like a river
Something that could consume me
And I could dive in
But I could never be happy
You called me a scaredy cat
As I ignored your fourth message in a row
But you maimed me first
We both needed to let go
Now that you’re a memory
It’s something I’m forced to keep
But I’m past the countless nights
I spent awake without sleep
Moving on from you
I spent three months sober
So I could fully accept
That things were actually over
You’ve got my computer accessories
I’ve got a recording of Sleep Talk
I lost someone who didn’t care about me
While you let someone who loved you walk
During the times you looked me in the eyes
I guess I mistook the semblance
I’m not sure how you could fake that
Now I yield loss over remembrance
You gained my trust
So you could break it
You wanted my love
So I let you take it
I am a fool
And I hate it
But in this crime
I was complaisant 
You were barely tangible
If I’m being realistic
And like you said
We never existed
And you might not know it yet
But I think I’m the loss of your life
You will never know the honor
Of having me as your wife
If they ask me how it ended, it didn’t
And I think I’m okay with that
Because like I’ve said before
I hope you don’t come back
So long, whoever you were
Because this was never fun
So I’ll continue with my search
Of looking for the one
There are 8 billion people in this world
And now I am most certain
That you were one of many
Who will never be my person

Note: This is part five of my pentalogy, which I’ll be posting in reverse order. The parts can be read independently, in sequence, or backward. While the date states I wrote this on April 20th, 2024, the poetry spans from pieces I began and left unfinished over the past two years. April 20th is the day the idea for this story first came to me, and I pulled all of my writing together. I spent about four months working on finishing this, and I’m excited to finally share it!

Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance (The Pentalogy)

Part 1: Denial
Part 2: Anger
Part 3: Bargaining
Part 4: Depression
Part 5: Acceptance

The Deceiver

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March 6th, 2024

I was starting to hate myself
Feeling like you made me a paramour
At one time I thought that I knew you
But you left the truth behind locked doors
I don’t understand how you can’t stomach coffee
But you can stomach cheating on your girlfriend
Or how you failed to mention her for over a year
Leaving what happened with this bitter end
Was she the girl I saw you with last summer
When you said it was your friend from out of town
How long did you premeditate cheating
Did you hope I’d eventually come around 
This is the last time that I’ll lower my standards
You’re not attractive enough to treat people this way 
Someone needs to put you in your place
How many women did you betray
Now there’s a new girl that you’re dating
And I think you really deserve each other
Because she knew that I was seeing you
When she took you under her covers
Did she know about your girlfriend too
Did she just not care like she didn’t about me
What does she think about the fact
That you still watch all of my stories
I deleted you from social media
But you followed my public profile again
It’s clear that I want nothing to do with you
So why do you still watch them
I now know that I was never the problem
It’s people like you who act without consequence
I hope one day you get your karma
And you’re caught with no defense