Hate

Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance: Acceptance

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April 20th, 2024

How can I call this the end
When we never really started
You got me attached to you
And then you departed
I’m tired of looking for people
That remind me of you
Because looking for you
Isn’t what I’m meant to do
We’re not Noah and Allie
This was my odyssey
Now it’s my manuscript
And you aren’t in my prophecy
Seeing you was like a river
Something that could consume me
And I could dive in
But I could never be happy
You called me a scaredy cat
As I ignored your fourth message in a row
But you maimed me first
We both needed to let go
Now that you’re a memory
It’s something I’m forced to keep
But I’m past the countless nights
I spent awake without sleep
Moving on from you
I spent three months sober
So I could fully accept
That things were actually over
You’ve got my computer accessories
I’ve got a recording of Sleep Talk
I lost someone who didn’t care about me
While you let someone who loved you walk
During the times you looked me in the eyes
I guess I mistook the semblance
I’m not sure how you could fake that
Now I yield loss over remembrance
You gained my trust
So you could break it
You wanted my love
So I let you take it
I am a fool
And I hate it
But in this crime
I was complaisant 
You were barely tangible
If I’m being realistic
And like you said
We never existed
And you might not know it yet
But I think I’m the loss of your life
You will never know the honor
Of having me as your wife
If they ask me how it ended, it didn’t
And I think I’m okay with that
Because like I’ve said before
I hope you don’t come back
So long, whoever you were
Because this was never fun
So I’ll continue with my search
Of looking for the one
There are 8 billion people in this world
And now I am most certain
That you were one of many
Who will never be my person

Note: This is part five of my pentalogy, which I’ll be posting in reverse order. The parts can be read independently, in sequence, or backward. While the date states I wrote this on April 20th, 2024, the poetry spans from pieces I began and left unfinished over the past two years. April 20th is the day the idea for this story first came to me, and I pulled all of my writing together. I spent about four months working on finishing this, and I’m excited to finally share it!

Tortured Artists Yield Loss Over Remembrance (The Pentalogy)

Part 1: Denial
Part 2: Anger
Part 3: Bargaining
Part 4: Depression
Part 5: Acceptance

The Deceiver

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March 6th, 2024

I was starting to hate myself
Feeling like you made me a paramour
At one time I thought that I knew you
But you left the truth behind locked doors
I don’t understand how you can’t stomach coffee
But you can stomach cheating on your girlfriend
Or how you failed to mention her for over a year
Leaving what happened with this bitter end
Was she the girl I saw you with last summer
When you said it was your friend from out of town
How long did you premeditate cheating
Did you hope I’d eventually come around 
This is the last time that I’ll lower my standards
You’re not attractive enough to treat people this way 
Someone needs to put you in your place
How many women did you betray
Now there’s a new girl that you’re dating
And I think you really deserve each other
Because she knew that I was seeing you
When she took you under her covers
Did she know about your girlfriend too
Did she just not care like she didn’t about me
What does she think about the fact
That you still watch all of my stories
I deleted you from social media
But you followed my public profile again
It’s clear that I want nothing to do with you
So why do you still watch them
I now know that I was never the problem
It’s people like you who act without consequence
I hope one day you get your karma
And you’re caught with no defense

Reflective Reverie

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March 5th, 2024

I thought you were lost
I wasn’t sure what to do
But I found you
Still right where I left you
The pain in your eyes
That you don’t want to show
I can see that it’s there
And you won’t let it go
That smile on your face
You wear as a front
Others see it too
But they never confront
The tremble in your voice
Holding back words
Because once they are out
They can’t be unheard
The thoughts in your head
You wear them so loud
And with where you came from
You should feel so proud
The curves of your body
You were taught to hate
But others would kill
For a body that great
The shaking of your hands
The fidgeting you do
The anxiety is present
But you no longer let it consume you
You’ve been made fun of for your legs
Lacking in bronze
But carried by your feet
They’ve ran you half marathons
All these things you hate
Like Bullet For My Valentine said
You are learning to love
And embrace them instead
Taking it day by day
You pour into yourself
They say you must find love within
To be able to love someone else
This is more than a journey
It’s a lifelong mission
But facing your demons
Is your greatest opposition
When you stop carrying everything
When you let go of the tension
When you embrace yourself
You’ll find there’s no more competition
Focus on what you love
Even if you hate the word
Learn to welcome it again
After everything that occurred
The moon tattoo on your shoulder
When you smile with your eyes
The parts of you that you love
And you don’t have to disguise
I can see it now
Everything is so clear
That’s what happens
When I accept what’s in my mirror