Solitude

October 12th, 2023

I manage my expectations by expecting the worst
Then I tackle my problems by diving head first
And I keep a shoe ready in hand
So the other won’t drop before the moment I planned
I’ve lived my life in survival mode
Meticulously analyzed every crossroad
And I will freeze before I fight or flight
So I can justify why I am right
So I built my walls without a door
There’s no getting in without a war
I’m stuck in a realm of constant distrust
Because I’ve lost my mind in love and lust
I’ve been hurt time and time again
I live my life playing pretend
I need people but let them go
I’d rather suffer than let it show

Georgia Peach

July 19th, 2010

Could you smell my perfume
As you stood beside me
I held still to not tremble
But I was longing so badly
That was the last time we spoke
You only said “hey”
I responded with a smile
While my heart beat away
The months have flown by
This has gone on too long
I can’t fight my feelings
But I know they don’t belong
Why can’t I end this
I need to let go
I’m yearning for someone
That I don’t even know

Mother

April 15th, 2010

She walks slowly down the stairs
Hands pressed tight against the walls
Too drunk to control her movement
But not wanting to fall
The blank look in her eyes
She’s not really there
No expression, only pain
She thinks that no one cares
She doesn’t know yet
Alcohol is not the cure
Every new bottle I want to smash
But she’s made it so clear
I can’t make her change
She doesn’t care that she hurts her family
Just keeps drinking from that cup
And this is no role model for me
I can’t change the glass in her hand
It never seems to run dry
And I can’t fix the pain she feels
But I also can’t care when she cries
If she was still my mother
Why does she hurt me
She’s killing herself with a bottle
But she would disagree
She doesn’t want to stop
I’m not worth her time
And I can’t fix her life
So I have to fix mine
She can’t accept I’ve tried
But I’m not enough
I try to stay strong
But I’m not that tough
She’s poisoning herself
This shouldn’t be right
But if this is all you’ll ever be
I’ll have to give up this fight
Would you want this for me
To take after you
I wish you could see
How much more you could do