Fairytale

Believe

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September 8th, 2009

I find I can’t believe in much
no matter how hard I try
my dream catcher scarcely catches my bad dreams
my horoscope is never right
and my heart always takes me the wrong way.

I’m caught on this one thing:
fate, does everything happen for a reason?

I know I wouldn’t be who I am
if it weren’t for what’s happened
but was it supposed to happen is what I ponder?

Religion is mostly complicated
I can’t devote myself to something I could never fully understand
and will never ever understand
and I find myself wondering between true or false
fact or fiction
with proof, I could believe
but I just can’t.

Fairy tales have obvious reasons
tied right into love
it’s like a myth
and you can’t find what you’re asking for
and there is no such thing as a happy ending
because I believe nothing ever fully ends.

I still find it hard to believe in truth
and to believe I understand myself
because most of the time it’s all lies.

I find it hard to believe in other people
and to believe in good intentions
but I am always changing.

Right now I don’t know exactly who I am
and I don’t know what to believe
but I have time to figure it out
and I just need someone to have patience with me
so I can finally believe.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Colorblind

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August 17th, 2009

Started out just like a song
I thought we both would sing along
Happily ever after – just like a movie
Feeling good while the beat flows through me

I didn’t want there to be an end
I didn’t want you to be less than a friend
Sat up at night just thinking things through
I was so in love with you

[Chorus:]
Music notes float around the air
The color green is everywhere
I used to have you on my mind
But now I’m only colorblind

You were my favorite song on repeat
Fell in love with the words and beat
The song ended and so did we
At first, it was too hard to see

[Chorus:]
Music notes float around the air
The color green is everywhere
I used to have you on my mind
But now I’m only colorblind

I used to think about you at night
Scared that things wouldn’t turn out right
Scared that you wouldn’t sing along
And you f***** up cause you were wrong

Sometimes I wish I had never met you
But I think it was important to
You taught me lessons that I needed to know
So I am glad that you let go

[Chorus:]
Music notes float around the air
The color green is everywhere
I used to have you on my mind
But now I’m only colorblind

Note: I am very aware that I’m not a singer, and I mess up a lot in my video. However, I used to be so eager to post things I just wrote that I would upload them as is. I was brave, and I’m not ashamed of that!

Special Nobody

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July 9th, 2006

I’m a tangled mess
When it comes to me and you
And with all my worthless feelings
There’s nothing left to do
With a face full of tears
I fall to the floor
And with my screaming and yelling
I want nothing more
I always feel like
I’m invisible to everybody
This whole time
I’ve been waiting for a special nobody
Someone to help me
Escape my destiny
Someone who will save me
From this insanity
For the longest time
I’ve never believed in fate
I’d change my past
But it’s way too late
Sometimes I wish
I’d never met you at all
Sometimes I feel
Like I’m some stupid Doll
And I can’t help
But still feel the way I do
Even though nothing will ever happen
Between me and you
Happily ever after
Is all nothing but lies
Because after the ending
Is when the happiness dies
Without knowing it
I’ve always been waiting for you
Without showing it
I think about all the things you do
Without wanting it
These feelings take over me
And all that’s left over
Is our reality

2006 (4)