Escape

Crazy

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November 8th, 2009

It’s crazy
how people you think you know
turn into
people you don’t.

Eyes wide
there’s so much you can’t see
though it is all real
but it doesn’t exist
because it was fake.

Loud noises
nothing that you want to hear
echo
ear to ear
make it stop
it’s not real
it’s fake
I don’t know these people.

I shake
and I can’t stop
but you can’t see it
because it’s not real
but it’s not fake
I feel it
I feel you
it’s crazy
I don’t know you.

I want to scream
but once I start
I fear
I’ll forget how to stop.

Quitting
don’t be a quitter
scream
and don’t stop.

I cry
and not the kind for pain
the kind
where you lose your mind.

I breathe
but not naturally
I force in the air
but it finds a way out
before reaching my lungs.

Inhale nothing
sink into myself
I can’t escape
you can’t escape
because you’re fighting
yourself.

I thought I knew
myself
you
the mirror
but I don’t.

I found a way
to comfort me
but inside
nothing’s what it is
you can’t see
what I can see.

I’m sinking
into myself
and it’s crazy;

But
I
don’t
know
you.

2009 (24)

Mirrors

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July 23rd, 2009

My eyes are searching
And they find you
A simple blur in my vision
But it’s so much more than that
I reach out
But never close enough to touch
Never close enough to feel
I’m never close enough
The image floats away
The blur is gone
And I’m all alone
Nothing to reach
I can’t be let down anymore
Except for the mirror
Another blur
I turned it around
I don’t want to be her
I’ve got nothing left
And she mocks it at me
And as much as I want to
I can’t change a thing
I’ve been tied up and beat
Into this person called me
And the more I try to change
It’s all I can be
And I reach out for help
But the blur went away
And I talk to myself
But I never make sense
And my problems are here
And they’re going unsolved
And my mind works so fast
But it won’t get involved
And my heart is still beating
But will I survive
I’ve been here for so long
I wonder if I’m alive
And this place in my mind
Has been my new home
With no windows and doors
Trapped to be alone
The people come and go
But they just don’t see me
They just don’t hear me
They all blur into one
They all let me down
And in the mirror
Is where the blur can be found
So I shatter the glass
It feels good to see it break
Then I realize I’m feeling
So have I finally escaped
And the shattered pieces
All look at me
They try to keep me here
But I just can’t stay
And I’m searching this place
Nothing left
Nothing right
I’m just lost in this feeling
That nothing’s alright
Then I hear a voice
Or am I just crazy
I go back to the mirror
And she says she wants to save me
She knows I’ve got nothing
And that I made her cry
And when I’m looking at her
She looks me straight in the eyes
Then I wake up
And I know where I am
The light is so bright
From the window I smashed
And though I got out
The feeling won’t go away
That the girl in the mirror
Follows me every day
And I know it sounds crazy
Because I’m the one in the mirror
But this girl’s not me
She’s something so unclear
And still, I see the blurs
They pass me every day
And again I reach out
But still too far away
And I don’t know what to do
I just feel so insane
And asking for help
Is out of the way
And the mirror holds my secrets
Smashed to bits
And they all call me crazy
And it’s starting to fit
But how would it not
I speak to my mirror
And the words she speaks back
I don’t want to hear
And my mind is racing
I’m feeling sky high
And somebody’s dropped me
So how long ’til I die?

Go

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April 9th, 2019

When I first met you
You’d take me on long drives
But your car became your escape
Now we’re living different lives

When I first met you
I loved all that you are
But the only thing you loved
Was the comfort of your car

[Chorus:]
All you do is go (go)
It’s tearing me apart
I’m keeping it together
When I have a broken heart
All you do is leave (leave)
Again you steer away
Even without words
You knew I wanted you to stay

Even at this time
I still want you to care
I don’t know who I am fooling
Because you were never there

Even at this time
I wonder how you are
The only sign you give
Is when you take off in your car

[Chorus:]
All you do is go (go)
Your car was our department
I’m keeping it together
And I’m ready to jump start
All you do is leave (leave)
Again on the freeway
Even without words
I know you’ll regret this someday

All you do is run (run)
You don’t know how to stay
I’m worth more than a car
It’s my turn to drive away

Note: I must have written that chorus months ago without ever physically writing it down. I couldn’t decide how I wanted it to go, so each time is a new verse. I don’t usually write songs, but I attempt every once in awhile!