May 4th, 2024
Why do I empathize with those who hurt me
Logically explain away their behavior
Downplaying my pain in the situation
Still believing they’re my savior
Is it because I miss being madly in love
Because instead I am just mad
And I’m chasing down a feeling
Of what I’ve never had
When emotions were high
My inhibitions were low
So I loved people
Until they let me go
They didn’t want me
They wanted the fantasy
Still searching for the person
Who wants the real me
March 16th, 2024
Sitting in a coffee shop
I’m going through life’s trials
Forcing myself to write something
After running 6.2 miles
My life is a series
Of events and activities
Then working all week
And trying to maintain productivity
Two years on my own
I’ve been going through the motions
And even before that
I started bottling my emotions
I’ve been working so hard
I need to prove it to myself
I can find happiness
Without needing someone else
I don’t think anyone understands
Why I feel so lonely
Because I surround myself with people
But none of them know me
I don’t know how to drop my walls
I think I lack the wisdom
And until I start letting people in
I need to be my own support system
December 18th, 2023
I think about the past more than now and then
Too many nights drowning my pain in the arms of other men
Supplements are not supplementing what’s not there
So I’m buckling at my knees and proceeding nowhere
I’ve always ended things before someone else got the chance
I guess this is my circumstance
When they don’t value me in my presence
They can mourn me in my absence
When I said I don’t want this who was I trying to fool
I only said that because I’m running out of fuel
Potential won’t keep me warm at night
And at the end of the day it’s fight or flight
I’ve spent too long running from my emotions
I say that I’m ready but I lack the devotion
I wasn’t what they wanted and I’m not surprised
But I’m worth more than just a consolation prize
Doll Poetry 