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March 13th, 2018

I write to chase my demons away
But they always find a place to stay
A vessel that I never would have thought
Holds the misery that I wished I forgot
The feelings never seem to end
I just find new ways to play pretend
I fake being happy so nobody knows
I put on my smile and put on a show
These things, they always start to pile
All I can do is embrace the denial
These pills are here to help me conceal
I don’t know if anything is real
All I know is I feel so weak
But my mind still finds its way to speak
I just can’t let these feelings go
So I put on my smile and I start the show

Note: I was initially hesitant about posting this poem because I wrote this during one of my hardest struggles with depression. I am so thankful to have poetry as a healthy outlet for expressing my emotions, as I don’t know how else I could make sense of these unbearable feelings. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to about their own struggles, I am always open for discussion!

Dynamite

January 9th, 2018

I know I’m always confused
But this time it’s not the same
I’m losing myself to this
And I’m the only one to blame
I don’t know what happened
I lost site of myself
I think I need help
But there’s nobody else
I’m feeling so lost
I don’t know what to do
I put up a shield
And they all see through
These people are all identical
They say the same thing
That I’m going to be okay
But why am I still aching
I don’t know what is wrong
I don’t know what is right
I’m trying to hold myself together
But I’m as stable as dynamite

Disorder

June 8th, 2017

I’m trapped in anxiety
Wrapped in it’s allure
I want to be saved
But I don’t need your cure
I’m falling to pieces
My adhesive won’t hold
All my cards are laid out
And you want me to fold
The whole world is spinning
I plant my feet to the ground
I look around for help
But you’re nowhere to be found
Why do you do this to me
You know who I am
But I’ll sit by myself
And take my citalopram