October 1st, 2011
Another night
Alone with my thoughts
I can’t win this fight
I guess I forgot
In my head
It all goes wrong
This can’t be right
I need to stay strong
I feel it in my head
But not in my heart
All my fears
And I’m falling apart
Mixed up
My past left me this way
And alone with my thoughts
Is how I will stay
I want to tell you
I want you to care
But the comfort to speak
Just isn’t there
January 5th, 2024
I was only back on Hinge
For a short two days
Before you liked my picture
I didn’t know what to say
I responded to your action
It took me eight days
Because when I first saw your name
I was not okay
It was the day after Christmas
I was feeling brave
Being optimistic
I dug my own grave
I told you I was surprised
You ghosted me nine months ago
And that fucked me up
These things I needed you to know
I just never anticipated
Your name would light my phone again
You hurt me so deeply
Was I ready to let you back in
You told me you hoped I would message
You apologized for the past
We talked for two hours
A conversation I wanted to last
You had texted me to say goodnight
I didn’t hear from you for two days
Six texts exchanged
And you drifted away
Eight more days went by
You texted to say sorry for being MIA
But you won’t be available for “a long while”
Nothing about this was okay
I wasn’t going to respond
I’ve already said everything that I need to
But after an hour I sent you a link
To a fifteen page poem I wrote about you
I’m not expecting a response
Not sure you’ve even read it
But I can see you opened it three times
And everything I wrote feels good to admit
This wasn’t what I was expecting
How my year would start
That my optimistic naive self
Keeps letting the same guys break my heart
I’m still searching for the person
I’ll have coffee with in the morning
The one that I can call
When my eyes start pouring
I cried more over some random guy
Than I ever did for you
But nobody has ever made me feel
The hurt you put me through
I’ll never understand
How you moved on like I never existed
Or why you would want to hurt me again
You must be pretty twisted
At least you said goodbye this time
I got a little closure
Your name won’t light my phone again
This story is finally over
January 2nd, 2024
We walked a thin line
Between friendship and flirting
But you’re a friend who broke my heart
When it was already hurting
I asked you out for drinks
And you invited me over instead
I’m telling you about my guy problems
Then I end up in your bed
Your lips were thin against mine
Their presence was unexpected
But they were all-consuming
Until they left me feeling rejected
You called this “an interesting friendship”
I practically ran out your door
Without giving me a chance
You wanted nothing more
Then something changed
We had another chance
I thought this was a shot
At an actual romance
Until the night came
You were flirting with my friend
So I called you out
I thought that was the end
We had a discussion
About how we were feeling
And how to proceed
While I was still reeling
I thought we were on the same page
You said the right things on purpose
But I didn’t hear from you for two weeks
Like you turned this into a circus
Your words don’t mean anything
So I listen to what your actions say
There was no follow-through
So I let this slip away
One day you were into me
Then the next you weren’t
You changed your mind
Of course that hurt
You called me out of the blue
Asked to come over
It’d been a month
But never any closure
I saw you the next day
Leave with another person
You denied what I saw
But these feelings only worsen
Another conversation
You texted me on Christmas Day
You said you wouldn’t string me along
Words you’d soon betray
You were caught on camera
Before your kiss at midnight
The girl that you denied
When I saw you leave that night
A picture’s worth a thousand words
But this video was overexposure
You can’t just fuck me
And then fuck me over
You once had me believing
You also wanted this
And my feelings towards you
I couldn’t resist
Mr. “Tells me what I want to hear”
Instead of how he feels
I don’t know why I ever imagined
That this could be something real
Doll Poetry 