Midnight Insomnia

August 23rd, 2009

You’ve got me refreshing and hoping, but every time I’m let down with the disappointment of the fact nothing has changed since the last time I checked. I’m wondering what I should do, I don’t want to be a bother, but it’s all that’s been on my mind since I carelessly did something right for a change. I can’t let it go, you’ve got me so confused, and I’m thinking I’m hiding this pretty well, but it shows more than anyone is willing to look for. The words keep repeating in my head, and when I want to say them I’m given no opportunity, for the fact you’ve been too busy to exchange conversation with me lately. My closed eyes will tell you anything that you’re willing to hear, with no doubt, brave and standing tall, nothing in the world could take me down. My eyes slowly open, I start to see, and I crumble again because once I see you I can’t stand to know that I was too scared to tell you how I really felt for the fact I was too scared of being broken again.

(Originally Posted Here)

Labeled

August 20th, 2009

Beat me down with your stereotypes, but I can never confine myself. You can talk, and write, and pretend all you want, but only I will ever know the real me. You don’t know the truth, not even half of it, or even how I feel. You can’t tell me who I am, what I want, or what I’ve done. Repeat my words, but they change, stories change, and all I fear is drama starts. People change, and so do I, so I can’t hold on to your label or define myself anymore. Who I am has never been what I am, but no one gets the difference. If you can’t tell between them, what gives you the right to claim you know me well enough to stereotype me in the first place. In the mirror, I’ve watched myself change, and through my dreams, I’ve felt it. I can’t hold on anymore, I’ve broken my self-image, and all for some words that mixed up my intentions to smile. Facing my image and my dreams has lost me in all this confusion. I can’t hold on to who I was, and I can only hope that they understand. Seeing myself change has been one of the hardest parts, but holding onto my self-image of what I used to be makes it hard to accept the fact that I changed, and I have no identity. I’ll take my time before I try to confine, and I can only hope it turns out alright in the end. But if you can’t love me without a label, then what kind of love was that from the start.

(Originally Posted Here)

Stepping Stones

September 4th, 2019

Innocence of words
Exchanges between two
Always the first step
And that’s how I met you
Initiating

Questioning intentions
Teetering the line
Is this a friendship
Or do you want to be mine
Experimenting

A flame begins to burn
I know this is real
Space disappears
And it’s you that I feel
Intensifying

A relationship builds
Without being planned
Two become one
Hand in hand
Integrating

We could spend days together
But I’d still want more time
Two against the world
Planning for a lifetime
Bonding

We still have our own identities
We bring different things to the table
And that is okay
When the foundation is stable
Differentiating

But in uncharted territory
Things quickly change
And someone you love
Can become someone estranged
Circumscribing

We’re questioning each other
I’m feeling uncertain
When I’ve found there’s a stranger
Living under the curtain
Stagnating

And not talking becomes easier
We can just look away
A love becomes scorned
From our new disarray
Avoiding

Silence becomes deadly
When we can’t even pretend
So as the flame flickers out
We come to an end
Terminating

Note: Inspired by Knapp’s Model of Relational Development