Dating Chronicles

December 18th, 2023

I think about the past more than now and then
Too many nights drowning my pain in the arms of other men
Supplements are not supplementing what’s not there
So I’m buckling at my knees and proceeding nowhere
I’ve always ended things before someone else got the chance
I guess this is my circumstance
When they don’t value me in my presence
They can mourn me in my absence
When I said I don’t want this who was I trying to fool
I only said that because I’m running out of fuel
Potential won’t keep me warm at night
And at the end of the day it’s fight or flight
I’ve spent too long running from my emotions
I say that I’m ready but I lack the devotion
I wasn’t what they wanted and I’m not surprised
But I’m worth more than just a consolation prize

Stop Signs

September 27th, 2009

Piled up,
too much to keep to myself,
but what doesn’t kill me –
will keep me no weaker than I was before.

Saying goodbye is never easy,
but it wasn’t like that,
I was pulled away,
compelled to go,
and didn’t even have a chance to say –
I’m leaving.

Pulling through dark tunnels,
this is who I’ve become,
and there’s no going back.

I found myself in the cold arms of the darkness,
and I don’t think I can let go –
of this side of me –
that I found myself to like.

The mirror must be getting old,
because it’s not working quite right,
and I can’t even seem to find myself in it.

Looking for something,
but I don’t know you anymore,
and I don’t even know myself,
and all I’m finding are these stop signs –
that await my presence.

The Ugly Truth

December 21st, 2022

I know I kept my walls up
You never had a chance
But you never made an effort
It’s the same old song and dance
“Maybe we’ll get together again down the road”
What does that even mean
What would be different in the future
If you’re “not that interested” in me
I said that I wanted to be friends
But now I don’t know if I can
Most time spent together within bedroom walls
And you had referred to yourself as my man
But I hated that you called me babe
And slept with the window open
Feeling like Katherine Heigl in The Ugly Truth
Because I didn’t want you to know I’m outspoken
Three months and three weeks have passed
Since I sent you that first text
Not sure how to process the ending
When you’re not even my ex