October 21st, 2022-February 19th, 2023

At the beginning
You didn’t seem like a catch
But I swiped right on a whim
And we instantly matched
I didn’t want that to happen
I filled with regret
Not sure if I should message
When you looked like an ex
I eventually caved
And I said “Hey there”
You responded with my name
Which was enough to ensnare
But that fizzled out
You started to boast
I responded with a gif
And intended to ghost
You messaged me again
You didn’t get the hint
Now I was somehow falling
Which led to our short stint
You gave me your number
Then tried to trick me
Asking who I was
Before saying you were kidding
Rereading the texts
It was all just a game
With anyone else
It would all be the same
Our conversation grew boring
Avoiding a simple question
So I said goodnight early
And started my regression
Two days go by
Then you messaged me again
“What does this guy want from me?”
I pleaded to my friend
I couldn’t seem to shake you
I tripped then I fell hard
“Good morning” until “sweet dreams”
You made me drop my guard
Messaging about everything
Consuming my free time
Investing all my energy
Cause I thought you wanted to be mine
There was just one catch
We’d never met in person
Ignoring my requests to meet
The red flags should have been certain
Then one night
I was about to head home
You asked if I was coming over
I thought it was a joke
You said that you were serious
And gave me your address
I navigated to your place
A night I can’t regress
Seventeen days of texting
A month since we’d been talking
I knew I shouldn’t be at your door
But that didn’t stop me from knocking
And in the midnight hours of April 3rd
I never made it home
As mentioned in “The Invitation”
That night “I should have stayed alone”
Awaking to the panic
My phone in overdrive
A mass shooting near where I was
People thought I wasn’t alive
Maybe that was a sign
That night was a mistake
We could’ve taken it for what it was
And made a clean break
That’s not what happened though
I kept the light on
The next time I saw you I left something at your house
So you wouldn’t forget me while I was gone
I took a vacation from my life
But I didn’t want to come home
You told me you couldn’t sleep until I was okay
And when I returned I wouldn’t have to be alone
You said all the right things
You knew what you were doing
It wasn’t for another month
I exploded with thoughts that were brewing
We’d spend all day messaging
Then hours on Discord
And watching Community together
The mixed signals threw me overboard
“What is it we’re doing?”
Because my feelings kept growing
I needed clarity or boundaries
But you kept your cards from showing
You didn’t want a girlfriend
Just everything but the label?
I gave you three options on how to proceed
Because the foundation no longer felt stable
You didn’t like your choices
You wanted things to stay the same
I didn’t stand my ground
So I know I’m also to blame
Then a month passed
Things had completely changed
On July 4th I asked if you were over this
Because we felt estranged
You told me you were seeing your son’s mom
I thought that would hurt more
But I had started seeing someone new
And was ready to close the door
Then you messaged me the next evening
Told me you wanted to cry
“Do you want me to come over?”
But I should have turned a blind eye
A few more weeks passed
Things became too hard
You were distancing yourself again
But I already dropped my guard
I told you something personal
You left my message on read
Defensive when I called you out
So I blocked you instead
I killed our 111 day streak
Then felt nothing but condemn
Eleven days passed with no contact
Before I messaged you at 1:11 a.m.
I told you “I don’t like this”
“I’m sorry” is all you replied
The anger bubbled inside me
But at least I knew I tried
I spelled out everything
Tried to give myself closure
The conversation lasted for a day
And suddenly you were inviting me over
And damn did it hit me
When “Good Catch” by Win and Woo came on
“I told myself I wouldn’t be here back in the car on the way to your apartment”
I’d never more related to a verse in a song
That night ended July
And then you chose to disappear
Streaming every night on Twitch
But my inbox was still clear
You used to want to play Sea of Thieves together
Told me that being a solo pirate was lonely
Until you built a community
And wanted nothing to do with me
It wasn’t until the end of August
That I saw you again
I had distanced myself from you
But you tried to slide in my DMs
You then sent me the throwing-up emoji
Because I left you on read
I thought that I could blow you off
But got talked into coming over instead
September was filled with you
But at least I knew where I stood
Watching everything from Mean Girls to streamers
Things started to feel good
Then it was September 24th
You got home from seeing Michael Bublé
The last time you invited me over
Before you faded away
So on October 14th
I asked if you were ignoring me
You said you started seeing someone
I always appreciated your honesty
But then I saw on Facebook
This someone was your girlfriend
I instantly filled with heartache
No matter how hard I tried to pretend
And it was always you
Who was stringing me along
Saying you didn’t want a relationship
But I guess believing you were honest was wrong