Solitude

October 12th, 2023

I manage my expectations by expecting the worst
Then I tackle my problems by diving head first
And I keep a shoe ready in hand
So the other won’t drop before the moment I planned
I’ve lived my life in survival mode
Meticulously analyzed every crossroad
And I will freeze before I fight or flight
So I can justify why I am right
So I built my walls without a door
There’s no getting in without a war
I’m stuck in a realm of constant distrust
Because I’ve lost my mind in love and lust
I’ve been hurt time and time again
I live my life playing pretend
I need people but let them go
I’d rather suffer than let it show

Voices

January 4th, 2010

I hear things I shouldn’t know
I listen far too well
But I don’t listen to the voices
The wrong they always tell
And I feel something in the dark
A power in myself
And I don’t know if I’m alone
Is there anybody else
And in my eyes you can’t look too deep
To find the clock that makes me run
Because I hide so well what you can’t see
So I can have some fun
And maybe I’m not who you thought I was
But we will never know
You’ll never know me like I do
Because everyone lets go
So try to find the deep unknown
But it’s harder than you think
The voices hide me oh so well
And you can’t make me sink
So here I am back in the dark
To voices oh so loud
The more I know, the more I feel
The knowledge makes me proud
It drags me out of the dark
It starts to make me see
That how I think and how I feel
Is not reality
The blank and dark surrounding
The empty but filling space
You can take all that I have
If you can read my poker face
But the blind will start to see
Then the deaf will start to hear
The starving will be full
The miracles are real
And on the edge
With no inspiration
The wind blew
And I became my motivation
So with a jump
I found my voice
And it feels good
To make my own choice

The Door

October 6th, 2009

I find myself hiding,
in corners of my mind,
I was raised like this,
my walls can’t be broken down.

I’ve been placed here,
built the bricks up high,
and I’m scared to climb over,
because they’re too wobbly.

There’s no foundation,
they’re trying to break down,
and I find myself scared,
even if it’s what I want.

I need to let them in,
I lead them to the door,
just a step more,
then I lock myself in.