Inheritance

December 3rd, 2024

Life was never as hard for me
As when I thought it was easy
Because I look at trauma it caused
And it still makes me feel uneasy
You had the money to pay the bills
But I paid with my childhood
Cleaning up your vodka bottles
And wishing things were good
When I grew up I got married
And the cycle then repeated
I found the hidden vodka bottles
And feared I’d been defeated
But I broke free from you
So I broke free from him
Even when it was uncomfortable
I pushed myself out on a limb
Because love is not an apology
For doing the same things again
So I had to break the pattern
And move on from where I’ve been
Now I do dry January every year
Knowing I could be just a drink away
From becoming just like you or him
And I’ll always choose a different way
You raised me to think this was normal
So I don’t know if I can ever forgive you
But I hope I found the end to the story
That I never planned to continue

Letting Go

December 1st, 2024

Sitting in the quiet
Nothing but crickets
Thinking about the past
And wondering if I miss it
A moment of peace
Letting my mind go blank
Whenever it’s sink or swim
It never failed I sank
Reflecting on the moment
I waited so long
Anxiety taking over
Wondering was that wrong
The peace has passed
This is retrograde
Time to move forward
From when I was mislaid

The Wheel of Misfortune

November 29th, 2024

Coming to the end
Of another year
The past keeps repeating
And nothing is clear
Where am I going
The future’s uncertain
In a never ending cycle
Of feeling like a burden
I let people come back
Like a revolving door
I already said goodbye
But they’re back once more
Every year I say I’ll change
It’s finally time to grow
But even with good intentions
My actions need to follow
So maybe next year
I’ll put my foot down
And hold my head high
When they come back around