Month: December 2019

Believe

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September 8th, 2009

I find I can’t believe in much
no matter how hard I try
my dream catcher scarcely catches my bad dreams
my horoscope is never right
and my heart always takes me the wrong way.

I’m caught on this one thing:
fate, does everything happen for a reason?

I know I wouldn’t be who I am
if it weren’t for what’s happened
but was it supposed to happen is what I ponder?

Religion is mostly complicated
I can’t devote myself to something I could never fully understand
and will never ever understand
and I find myself wondering between true or false
fact or fiction
with proof, I could believe
but I just can’t.

Fairy tales have obvious reasons
tied right into love
it’s like a myth
and you can’t find what you’re asking for
and there is no such thing as a happy ending
because I believe nothing ever fully ends.

I still find it hard to believe in truth
and to believe I understand myself
because most of the time it’s all lies.

I find it hard to believe in other people
and to believe in good intentions
but I am always changing.

Right now I don’t know exactly who I am
and I don’t know what to believe
but I have time to figure it out
and I just need someone to have patience with me
so I can finally believe.

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I Hope You’re Happy Now

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September 6th, 2009

The darkness reached out, only to find my hand, and it was all so unplanned, but I went along with it anyway. This was a different side, the one everyone tells me is right, but why does it feel so wrong to the point I’m forced to hide it then, and why is everyone trying to pry it out of me. Time takes the best of me, and I need as much as I can to figure out myself, but it keeps yanking, and I can’t hold on anymore. How do you keep something inside that’s dying to get out, words that you’re proud of but ashamed of who you are with how you feel. I can change who I am, but I’m scared, and the trust isn’t out there for the comfort of my secrets to find. So they stay written in stories, hidden in words, read them between the lines if you want to know. How could you do that to me, you put me on the spot, you try to break me, and half the time I can’t see why I bother to call you a friend. Tell me I’m going to hell, and I hope you realize you’re the one sending me there, pushing something on me that I’m not ready to confront myself about, yet along with you. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out, but if it worked, I hope you’re happy now.

(Originally Posted Here)

Always

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September 4th, 2009

I remember how confused I was, so many things running through my mind just about what was going on, and then we laid in awkward silence. The silence broke and you told me you loved me, and you had said it many times before, but none of it was real, none of it was what I needed, none of it was what I wanted. Time’s long gone since then, and this is when I start to realize the truth, I got myself caught up in a bad situation, and I don’t want it to count, so it shouldn’t. I believe how I feel, and how I feel is that I’m pure, and nothing’s what you said, and I’m alone. Half fact, half question, never sure of myself, but I have something that you didn’t take, not even close, and I let my love for you get in the way of the truth. I love you, but not as I did before, and I never should have, and I never will again. I’ve come to a strong decision of this part of me, and step by step I’ll figure out the rest: I’m alone, and I always have been.

(Originally Posted Here)